Your child has reached the age where she can see through phoniness. If you say one thing and do another, the bad consequences will come in threes. First, she'll do what you do, not what you say. Second, she'll lose respect for you. Third, she won't know how to act in a respectful way, affecting home life, school life and the rest of her life.

So live by these values and it's likely your child will too:

• Be honest. Tell the truth. Admit mistakes--don't blame others for them. Apologize (yes, to your child, too) when you are wrong.
• Be consistent. When you make a rule, stick to it. That applies to rules you make for your child and those you make for yourself.
• Be selfless. You're a parent--therefore, your child's needs come first. (Take note that the word is needs, not wants.) Your child is not a parent and so cannot completely emulate you here. But your example shows her how to be considerate of others.
• Show dignity. Convey to your child that no one can make you feel small unless you allow it. Ugly words hurt. And so does being disrespected. Instead of stooping to someone else's level, tell your preteen to rise above it.

Reprinted with permission from the October 2009 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2009 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Michael J. Bradley, Yes, Your Teen is Crazy: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind, ISBN: 0-936197-44-7 (Harbor Press, www.harborpress.com).